Just to Put Your Mind at Ease...

because I know you were worried about me yesterday. When I got home last night at 7:45pm I took a HOT shower, put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, got out a blanket, curled up on the couch with a glass of chocolate milk and read a magazine...

ah...finally :)

Blah

It's raining...for the second day in a row and while I really shouldn't be complaining when the weather was SO gorgeous last week, I am. Deal with it. It's also freezing and my fingers haven't completely warmed up yet today. And rain with a busy tennis schedule means lots of rescheduling which is a PAIN IN THE BUTT.

Because tennis was cancelled yesterday and I had secured a sub at jazz I offered to work the evening shift at my beloved scoop shop...I'm addicted to that place I think.

Today I would just like to put on sweatpants and a HUGE, WARM sweatshirt, pull the hood up and crawl under my covers for a nice long nap...

If anyone does have the opportunity to do this today, let me know. I'll be living vicariously through you.

Happy Tuesday.

Where Does the Time Go

I've been waiting to make my Buble post until I had the corresponding pictures because...
1. Michael Buble is SO cute (I apologize LGOIT if you had a drink in your mouth because I'm sure you've spit it out in horror) :)
2. Pictures are so much easier than words sometimes.

I don't have them yet, and I'm too lame/busy to write anything substantial. (Um, do I EVER write anything substantial?!?!) I've been working ridiculous amounts even with all of my long weekends and I've been scooping/twirling so much ice cream that my hair permanantly smells like home-made waffle cones. While it was fun at first to have 38 children following me around thinking I was going to produce ice cream from some orifice of my body the excitement has worn off and I'm all, "What? It's a new perfume...eau de cone...very rare and expensive. GET LOST."

Not to mention...what is up with so many people liking banana splits? I've always hated them but if you TRULY like them please order them at a SIT DOWN ice cream establishment where people wait on you and bring the dish to your table (like FRIENDLY'S) because ordering them at a DRIVE THROUGH WINDOW with FIVE CARS IN LINE BEHIND YOU is. just. rude. There's about 289 steps to making a banana split and really, did ALL FOUR people in the car NEED their OWN banana split each crafted SLIGHTLY differently? (Seriously, they were all different- - one traditional all soft, one all twist, one traditional all hard, one all hard with 3 substitutes.)

I mean, what kind of parents introduce their kids to banana splits and let them order (a $5 treat) them for FUN?!? I didn't know any kind of ice cream other than vanilla, chocolate or twist existed until I was 11. Really. My dad would ask us ahead of time- - "Okay girls, vanilla? chocolate? twist?" We would give our answers, he would go to the window, order our TOT-SIZED ice creams, pay and bring them to us. There was no (excuse the pun) waffling about what flavor we wanted or thinking it was cute when we changed our minds after the ice cream was made or debating for 4 minutes while there is a HUGE line behind us if we wanted chocolate or rainbow or maybe the BWUE sprinkles because, "BWUE!?! SPWINKLES!?! I. JUST. HAFT TO HAF DOSE."

And really, when you come to the window at 7:30pm, it's 78 degrees out, and order a cafe mocha, don't be surprised if I want clarification on hot/cold.

I've Got the World On a String

Buble? Was AWESOME. Didn't get home until 1am and taught jazz at 6 am. Catching up on work, but what a wonderful weekend...

Birds Flying High, You Know How I Feel

I’m heading out tomorrow morning to attend a Michael Buble concert! He is one of my favorite entertainers and I absolutely cannot wait to see him live. Concerts aren’t usually my thing (I’ve been to two—Britney Spears/N’Sync and Steve Miller Band) so I think this will be my favorite. I’m really looking forward to it.

Of course, the concert? Is in Michigan. And I’m going with HIM and I’m spending the weekend with him and I don’t understand how I can be excited and incredibly wary simultaneously. I actually don’t understand any of this. I try to figure it out, and I try to understand how I feel and what I think but I’m constantly on an emotional rollercoaster, one minute feeling great and the next feeling awful.

How does this happen? My head tells me that I need to end everything and just move on… my heart wants the complete opposite. I loved him. Isn’t that supposed to mean something? He says that he would like to get back together or at least be in the same place, together, to see if this works. While that’s great in theory, I’m not comfortable putting myself back out there. I was devastated by what happened and, for whatever reason, I am having an extremely difficult time moving forward.

Is it even possible to move forward after this? Even if I was sure that I wanted to, I don’t know how. It seems impossible when every song about cheating on the radio makes me feel sick to my stomach. When every time my head isn’t focused on work the image of the two of them in bed together slides in. When every time I think about my Spain vacation the first thought is how they emailed each other the whole time and how, after it was over and I was left with a broken heart and shattered remnants of a relationship, he went home. To her. No worse for the wear. How do I move forward when I find myself wondering, as a weekend with him is approaching, how many girls he’s been with since I’ve seen him last, how many calls and texts he’ll delete from his phone before I get there. I wonder how many calls he’ll ignore in three days…

The thing is, I don't hate him. Even on days that I try to and days that I want to, I don't. I don't even think that he's a bad person, in fact, I truly feel like he is one of my best friends. But at the same time I don't understand how someone who is supposed to care about me let what happened happen. Is it possible to love someone even when you feel like they don't deserve to have your love/emotion?

I’m consumed with thoughts of them, of us, of me, of him…I can’t sort them out. I’m trying, I really am, but it’s overwhelming and emotionally daunting. I feel like I can never do the right thing…what he wants is not what I want. What my family wants, is not I want. And I can’t figure out what I want, so where does that leave me?

The only place it seems to leave me is with a perpetual headache, heartache and pit in my stomach.

Man, I don’t ever remember signing up for this…

Lame, Lame Blogging

I have been a terribly lame blogger lately, I apologize. I've been super-busy and haven't even really had a minute to gather a few coherent thoughts. We have our first tennis match of the season today, the team is looking better than I had anticipated so, hopefully we'll do a little better than last year!

Saturday night we celebrated Sister #3's 18th birthday, it's all very exciting. :) She is heading out on vacation and has an ancient ipod-mini that is broken so my other sisters and I chipped in and got her a new ipod, she was shocked and LOVED it. She has also decided that she is going to massage therapy school in the fall so my parents gifted her a massage table to get her started. (Sister #4 has finally decided on her place of higher education...so glad to have those decisions over with!)

AND of course, being that it's April and (slightly) warm I've started my hours at the Scoop Shoppe again... here's to a summer of perfectly straight soft-serve. :)

n.b. I worked last night and a man came through the drive-through and ordered a medium twist in a cone. ($2.35). I gave him the cone and his change (from a $5) and he said- - "Oh, that's your tip, keep it." He tipped $2.65 for a $2.35 item! It this keeps up I'll be able to pay for TWO vacations on my tip money this year. :)

Sometimes It's the Unexpected

I had a bad day Monday, and a really bad Tuesday but I unexpectedly received a gorgeous bouquet of flowers at work yesterday... sometimes it's the small things. Being reminded that someone is thinking about you and cares about you is sometimes more than enough.

(((thank you)))) :)

Great Weekend, Back to the Real World

I had a wonderful weekend which I'll re-cap soon. Now it's back to reality.

Not having a great day so far today...when am I going to learn? Soon? Ever?

Sometimes, this whole...thing...is overrated.

Really? Already?

I cannot believe that it is APRIL. Did you read that? APRIL? Which means (forgive the elementary lesson) that we've gone through January and February and March ALREADY this year!!! Where did the time go? I'm totally ready for spring, don't get me wrong, it has just. flown. by.

Not too much to report here these days, between real work, Jazzercise and tennis I'm basically out straight. I am taking a long weekend to head down to CT/NYC with my sister tomorrow afternoon to visit her boyfriend which will be FUN. Other than that, if I'm not at my desk, on stage or on a court, I'm SLEEPING. :)