Off of the Wagon
Two weeks ago I made a decision. I wanted to lose weight. (Go figure.) Colleagues of mine were going to start the South Beach diet so I figured, what the heck, I may as well do it with them. I started with full force and I was ready to go mentally. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on appropriate food and drinks, and I emptied my fridge and cabinets of food that would no longer be appropriate. Three days into it and I was going strong. I wasn’t hungry, I was feeling like I was losing weight and I really thought that it was working. Finally, something was going to work and I would be able to change my physical appearance.
I stayed strong for an entire week and then? Yesterday? I fell. Off. Of. The. Wagon. We had a gingerbread cookie decorating project in the classroom and I ate 10 M&M’s, 6 peppermint Hershey kisses, and a spoonful of frosting. I felt terribly about myself all day and vowed that I would rectify my ways. I had a good lunch, went home after school and ate ONE of the cookies that I had decorated.
As I was getting ready to go to jazzercise my friend (the ex-boyfriend- - he was visiting) came over and brought me my Christmas present. A scale. I know some of you will be horrified but I didn’t have a scale previously and really will use it so I was excited! We set it up and got it ready to go and? I weighed more than I thought I did. 147.3lbs. Typing that is sort of liberating. I’ve never been shy about sharing my weight, but putting it here? For the whole internet to see? Is terrifying. I was devastated. My friend, trying to alleviate my stress, hopped up on the scale and he weighed 133lbs. I could have cried. Now, I was doubly devastated. Honestly, how depressing is that?
I woke this morning with a renewed attitude and decided to simply continue upon the path I started and to not get discouraged but then, at lunch, I had a portion of baked ziti and cookies for dessert. This is not good. I have no self control. I’m mad at myself and hate myself right now. My one goal was to lose a little weight (ideally, I’d like be between 135-137lbs) but I’m sabotaging myself and every turn.
I’m going to have a nice long chat with myself tonight and hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake with a new attitude tomorrow. Ready to go. Ready to change my eating habits and my weight. Ready for the holidays and ready to feel good about myself.
I’m so ready.
I stayed strong for an entire week and then? Yesterday? I fell. Off. Of. The. Wagon. We had a gingerbread cookie decorating project in the classroom and I ate 10 M&M’s, 6 peppermint Hershey kisses, and a spoonful of frosting. I felt terribly about myself all day and vowed that I would rectify my ways. I had a good lunch, went home after school and ate ONE of the cookies that I had decorated.
As I was getting ready to go to jazzercise my friend (the ex-boyfriend- - he was visiting) came over and brought me my Christmas present. A scale. I know some of you will be horrified but I didn’t have a scale previously and really will use it so I was excited! We set it up and got it ready to go and? I weighed more than I thought I did. 147.3lbs. Typing that is sort of liberating. I’ve never been shy about sharing my weight, but putting it here? For the whole internet to see? Is terrifying. I was devastated. My friend, trying to alleviate my stress, hopped up on the scale and he weighed 133lbs. I could have cried. Now, I was doubly devastated. Honestly, how depressing is that?
I woke this morning with a renewed attitude and decided to simply continue upon the path I started and to not get discouraged but then, at lunch, I had a portion of baked ziti and cookies for dessert. This is not good. I have no self control. I’m mad at myself and hate myself right now. My one goal was to lose a little weight (ideally, I’d like be between 135-137lbs) but I’m sabotaging myself and every turn.
I’m going to have a nice long chat with myself tonight and hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake with a new attitude tomorrow. Ready to go. Ready to change my eating habits and my weight. Ready for the holidays and ready to feel good about myself.
I’m so ready.
Labels: daily life
posted by P in VT at 1:43 PM
2 Comments:
Just the other day, as I popped a heaping handful of praline pecans in my mouth, I thought, gee, I really need to stop eating this crap. Then I reached for another handful.
Isn't January the month designated for getting back on the wagon?!?!?
I felt off the wagon too. I was doing really well til I had to start working more-I was just too tired at the end of the day to go to the gym. But I am forcing myself to go when I go back to school in Jan. We can do it!
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