Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Off of the Wagon

Two weeks ago I made a decision. I wanted to lose weight. (Go figure.) Colleagues of mine were going to start the South Beach diet so I figured, what the heck, I may as well do it with them. I started with full force and I was ready to go mentally. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on appropriate food and drinks, and I emptied my fridge and cabinets of food that would no longer be appropriate. Three days into it and I was going strong. I wasn’t hungry, I was feeling like I was losing weight and I really thought that it was working. Finally, something was going to work and I would be able to change my physical appearance.

I stayed strong for an entire week and then? Yesterday? I fell. Off. Of. The. Wagon. We had a gingerbread cookie decorating project in the classroom and I ate 10 M&M’s, 6 peppermint Hershey kisses, and a spoonful of frosting. I felt terribly about myself all day and vowed that I would rectify my ways. I had a good lunch, went home after school and ate ONE of the cookies that I had decorated.

As I was getting ready to go to jazzercise my friend (the ex-boyfriend- - he was visiting) came over and brought me my Christmas present. A scale. I know some of you will be horrified but I didn’t have a scale previously and really will use it so I was excited! We set it up and got it ready to go and? I weighed more than I thought I did. 147.3lbs. Typing that is sort of liberating. I’ve never been shy about sharing my weight, but putting it here? For the whole internet to see? Is terrifying. I was devastated. My friend, trying to alleviate my stress, hopped up on the scale and he weighed 133lbs. I could have cried. Now, I was doubly devastated. Honestly, how depressing is that?

I woke this morning with a renewed attitude and decided to simply continue upon the path I started and to not get discouraged but then, at lunch, I had a portion of baked ziti and cookies for dessert. This is not good. I have no self control. I’m mad at myself and hate myself right now. My one goal was to lose a little weight (ideally, I’d like be between 135-137lbs) but I’m sabotaging myself and every turn.

I’m going to have a nice long chat with myself tonight and hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake with a new attitude tomorrow. Ready to go. Ready to change my eating habits and my weight. Ready for the holidays and ready to feel good about myself.
I’m so ready.



Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Just the other day, as I popped a heaping handful of praline pecans in my mouth, I thought, gee, I really need to stop eating this crap. Then I reached for another handful.

Isn't January the month designated for getting back on the wagon?!?!?

3:50 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I felt off the wagon too. I was doing really well til I had to start working more-I was just too tired at the end of the day to go to the gym. But I am forcing myself to go when I go back to school in Jan. We can do it!

7:16 PM  

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