Ouch

It's been a long almost-week. I knew that things were a little off with Jax and I but I figured two solid weeks at home, hanging out and spending time together would be good.

Apparently not.

It's just been so weird and awkward and honestly, really disappointing. It's not that I thought he and I were necessarily meant to be TOGETHER. FOREVER. But it was really nice to have someone to make plans with and hang out with whenever I was home. To have someone who cared (well, who I THOUGHT cared) about me, my well being, and my plans.

I was totally blindsided and really hurt by the way things turned out. Initially I held off with him because I didn't want to do a long-distance relationship (remember? BEEN THERE. DONE THAT.) but he spent four months convincing me and showing me that he would be the best boyfriend ever. I don't take having a boyfriend lightly. I finally said yes, and it lasted 10 weeks. I could die over that. It's so embarrassing.

Not only that but we hang out at the SAME BAR. Now? He completely ignores me. It is so strange. I could see if I totally hurt him and he hated me, but he really doesn't have any reason to make things awkward. I just hate that he (obviously) didn't care enough about me or my feelings to handle things differently.

I'm not perfect, I know that, but it is so frustrating to be continuously disappointed by people.

Not only that but we had some long-term plans that I was looking forward to... ayyyyiyii. This blows.

Of course, I know- I'll better off, it wasn't meant to be, etc, etc, etc. Still. For the time being? This sucks.

I love having three sisters and I love being the oldest, but it's times like these that make me wish I had an older brother. I know if I did, they would throw down and at least make a statement. Somehow it's just not the same if your parents or a younger sister does it...

In the meantime I'm working on keeping busy...