I'm the Lead Singer of My Band

It's no secret that I love karaoke. Imagine my glee when opening this yesterday morning.

And we sang...

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My cousin (from MI) is here for the week with her three kids (4 yo twins boy/girl and 18mo daughter-- my goddaughter). Because I'm working much of this week I spent the day with them yesterday. And I know many of you have kids, so this isn't unfamiliar to you, but I'm always pleased with how *funny* they are. They are really and truly FUNNY. A few conversations from our day out yesterday...

While walking through the UVM Campus
D: Where are we?
Me: We are at the University of Vermont
Both: UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. What's that?
Me: It's college.
A: (Big Breath) We're at COLLEGE? My MOM DOESN'T EVEN KNOW!

At Burger King Jump Castle (please- - I know these things are germ-infested- hold the comments):
Me: Okay you guys, one more minute of jumping then we have to go.
(both kids come out, take a drink, then sneak back on.)
A: Um, Meg? You're supposed to say, "Uh, Uh, Uuhhhhhh, it's time to go."

While checking out of a store in the mall:
Me: Okay you guys, once we finish here we can go.
D: Go? But we haven't even checked out Kohl's yet.

I got this email recently- - given today's post I thought I would share it:

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the
bug is close.
3.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time .
4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but
How?
6.
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.
7.
No news is
impossible
8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.
9.
You can't teach an old dog new
Math
10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust
Me.
12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.
15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is
not much.
17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers.
18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder .
21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded
22.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you
See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you


And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than
Pregnant

Happy Holidays

Many of you are on vacation as of today (I am not, but I digress...) I want to wish each and every one of you a happy and safe holiday.

"Stay safe, stay sane, stay sober, stay out of jail and we'll catch up next week, provided the good lord's willing and the creek don't rise." - - KF

This Breaks My Heart

I do not understand how this stuff happens...

Really?

REALLY?

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

We (like everyone else in the NE) have gotten a LOT of snow lately! I don't remember the last time we had such great snow before Christmas. This is wonderful. That being said, it also creates a LOT of work shoveling and snowblowing the driveway, sidewalk, and office. Since my dad takes care of (basically) everything snow related we decided we would give him his Christmas gift a little early this year:

We ordered the cab from Sears.com in September and have been anxiously awaiting to give it to him! He LOVES it! Definitely worth the $100!

To everyone who has lots of snow around them... go outside and build and snowman. Really.

What I Forgot

Growing up in a house with four girls is something that I love (like you didn’t know by now) and something that I’m proud of. It has also made me *very* familiar with the tendencies of girls and friends and relationships and social circles. When I was in high school after a particularly harrowing school trip (think EVERYONE on the trip was suspended except for me and one other girl) I would get random IM’s from the screen name FAT(insert my name)SHOOT2KILL and was basically exiled from any social event. Awful, right? Well, I survived, but with four girls experiences like these are almost common at my house. Really. We’ve seen it all. Drive-by paintball shootings, random egging of the cars, toilet papering the cars, prank phone calls…and all of this is done by GIRLS.

Recently there has been an influx of events aimed at one sister in particular which included crisco-ing my Dad’s ENTIRE (she usually drives it) car and writing SL*T in big letters on the side. Let me assure you that the four of us are not perfect, nor are we even CLOSE to perfect but (and I am biased here) my younger sisters are not out partying or socializing with enough people that would warrant this type of thing. It’s a little unbelievable. So Friday night while I was karaoke-ing at the non-karaoke bar and giving my number to old men someone called our house at 1:45am (no one answered) and left a message. It went something like this:

(In your best singsong voice)
“You aaarrree a mother-f*ckin’ hoooeeeeee.
You aaaarreee a mother-f*fuckin’ hooooeee.
A*** is a hoe.*
K**** is a hoe.*
M**** is a hoe.*
M** is a hoe.*
You are all hoooooeeeeees.
And you f*ck everyboooddddyyyy.
You are sl*tty hooeeessss.
Mother f*ckin hooeeesssss.”

*****she called out EACH of our names individually to solidify the idea that NONE of us were exempt from HOE-dom.

Crazy right? I think this is stemming from some guy (doesn’t it always?) and an event that happened about 2 years ago, but really- - isn’t that awful? We were listening to it on speaker phone in our kitchen and talking about how rude it was when my mom goes,
“Yea! And they called your MOTHER a HOE!”
Umm… no mom, they called us “Mother-f*ckin HOES.

I can’t blame her really, who would want to be left out of that?

Lucky/Notsolucky Day

Friday night I was randomly at the mall while my friend and I waited for our other friends to call us to meet up. We walked into J Crew (he wanted a new tie) and I stumbled upon a rack of corduroy jackets (black and brown) for $9.99. Of course, there were only size 0 and 2 left (not exactly my size) but at that price, I had to see if I could make it work. I slid the 2 on and... it FIT! I couldn't believe it! It's a little snug through the upper arms but it's stretch so it works!

We met our friends for what was supposed to be a drink but turned into a CRAZY night of alcohol consumption. We ended up at the local bar (about 100 yards from my house) to round out the night. My favorite bartender and DJ were working (I've only been there a few times, I swear...) and were getting ready to close because there were only two other people there. Well, we changed their minds. I *love* singing karaoke (no, this is NOT a karaoke bar) and the DJ knows so as soon as I walked in she played Baby Got Back and gave me the mic (it's a dream come true, really) then she played ALL of my favorite bar songs (think Don't Stop Believing, Before He Cheats, Crazy B*tch). I, of course, thought that the two, innocent bystanders should be having fun with us on the dancefloor so I walked over to the bar to get them. Only one guy took me up on the offer, but I guess (this is where I don't really remember what happened) we danced for the rest of the night and I gave him my number. Oops. (I do. not. remember. doing. this.- - my friends don't either, so I'm not convinced he didn't get it from someone else, but I digress). The end of the night came and I walked home with my friend. End of story.

Cut to Sunday night, I'm on the phone with my boyfriend and the other line beeps in. I didn't recognize the number and sometimes my Jazz customers call me to ask questions, so I answered it and oh. my. god. it's. the. guy. from. the bar. Just calling to tell me that he's back at the bar and that he had so much fun Friday night, and was I going to be out again this weekend?

Ummm. No, I don't think so.

In Recovery Mode

Note to self:

Holiday functions two nights in a row is more than you can handle.

So noted.

December, November, October Road

Does anyone watch October Road? I started watching it last spring when it first came on and picked it up again when it started a couple of weeks ago. It's on Monday nights and I didn't have another show to watch from 10-11 but now I watch tv until 11pm on Sundays (Brothers & Sisters), Mondays (October Road), Tuesdays (Law & Order SVU), and Thursdays (ER) and, I usually go to bed around 9pm so this is making me VERY tired! It doesn't help that I teach a 6am jazz class T,W,H either. Last night I fell asleep at 10:20 so I missed the end of October Rd (not a huge deal, I'll watch it on ABC.com- - still don't have tivo/dvr), but does NBC have their shows online? It's a lot easier to watch tv on MY time rather than the scheduled time!

In other tv topics... has anyone seen Keeping Up With the Kardashians? It's on E and it is fan.tas.tic. Seriously. If you love creepy, reality tv and celebrity gossip you have GOT. TO. SEE. THIS. It's hilarious.

Walking In a Winter Wonderland

The first real "storm" of the year is here and while I'm slightly jealous of all of the kids home from school today, it's exciting! (Someone remind me that I said this in April when it's still snowing...)

I took 1/2 a day off on Friday to travel with my mom to my sister's squash matches in Connecticut. It was a much better experience than last time and my sister's boyfriend came too which was GREAT- -I haven't seen him since the summer and he is just too cute. Of course, since I took off early it HAD to be the day that bonuses are given out at work. (!!). I have never received a true "bonus" before but the feeling is everything I had imagined it to be. :)

Yesterday I woke up early, got my laundry done and went to Jazzercise (ugh. MORE ABOUT THIS LATER.) I spent the rest of the afternoon at one of my (new) friend's houses hanging out. (She just moved to VT from NJ with her boyfriend and she is our newest Jazz instructor) I NEVER just hang out. It was great though, her boyfriend was out of town so we made pizza and read magazines on the couch. For FOUR hours. I've never been great at being friends with girls so I'm hoping this goes well becaues, I really like her! (Well, I'm friends with lots of girls, but not the kind of friends who can just hang out without DOING something- - does that make sense?)

The holiday season is truly upon us and I have holiday parties for the next three weekends. My shopping is basically done so I'm looking forward to just ENJOYING this time. It seems crazy, I'm not sure where November went...

My best friend from college got engaged on Friday Night!!!!!!!! Woo! :)