Off of the Wagon

Two weeks ago I made a decision. I wanted to lose weight. (Go figure.) Colleagues of mine were going to start the South Beach diet so I figured, what the heck, I may as well do it with them. I started with full force and I was ready to go mentally. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on appropriate food and drinks, and I emptied my fridge and cabinets of food that would no longer be appropriate. Three days into it and I was going strong. I wasn’t hungry, I was feeling like I was losing weight and I really thought that it was working. Finally, something was going to work and I would be able to change my physical appearance.

I stayed strong for an entire week and then? Yesterday? I fell. Off. Of. The. Wagon. We had a gingerbread cookie decorating project in the classroom and I ate 10 M&M’s, 6 peppermint Hershey kisses, and a spoonful of frosting. I felt terribly about myself all day and vowed that I would rectify my ways. I had a good lunch, went home after school and ate ONE of the cookies that I had decorated.

As I was getting ready to go to jazzercise my friend (the ex-boyfriend- - he was visiting) came over and brought me my Christmas present. A scale. I know some of you will be horrified but I didn’t have a scale previously and really will use it so I was excited! We set it up and got it ready to go and? I weighed more than I thought I did. 147.3lbs. Typing that is sort of liberating. I’ve never been shy about sharing my weight, but putting it here? For the whole internet to see? Is terrifying. I was devastated. My friend, trying to alleviate my stress, hopped up on the scale and he weighed 133lbs. I could have cried. Now, I was doubly devastated. Honestly, how depressing is that?

I woke this morning with a renewed attitude and decided to simply continue upon the path I started and to not get discouraged but then, at lunch, I had a portion of baked ziti and cookies for dessert. This is not good. I have no self control. I’m mad at myself and hate myself right now. My one goal was to lose a little weight (ideally, I’d like be between 135-137lbs) but I’m sabotaging myself and every turn.

I’m going to have a nice long chat with myself tonight and hopefully tomorrow I’ll wake with a new attitude tomorrow. Ready to go. Ready to change my eating habits and my weight. Ready for the holidays and ready to feel good about myself.
I’m so ready.

Corey Smith and the Highline Ballroom

Sunday morning I hopped on the train and headed into New York City for the day. I've been to the city a few times since moving here, but I hadn't ever done it during the holidays and I was excited to see all of the "stuff". After a day of touring around Times Square, Rockefeller Center and the Park my friend and I headed down to Chelsea to the Highline Ballroom. Corey Smith was playing and we had tickets.

If you've never been to the Highline to see a show- - go. It was one of the best venues I've ever been to. The seating is first come, first served but you are seated at a table and they have a full drink/dinner menu so you can eat while you watch! (I had the sauteed snow peas and they were fantastic). If you've never heard of Corey Smith you've got to listen to him. He's not too popular in the North yet but down south he's a familiar name. It's not too country though, so don't let that stop you. I really enjoyed the show and know you guys will too! Check him out!

Bargaining Tools

I've always loved handwriting notes. I don't know why but there is something so satisfying about sitting down with a small notecard and pen and just writing to someone, sliding the card in an envelope with a stamp and putting it in the mail. I *love* birthdays, celebrations, and holidays because they create such great note-writing situations. Do you think I'm crazy?

Well, I've been dying to send out Christmas cards this year but with all of the grad school work and studying I had to do I just couldn't let myself get distracted. So? I did what any normal person would do. I struck a bargain with myself. As soon as my last final was done, I could start getting into the Christmas spirit. And spiritized I have. I've sent out my cards, listened to Christmas music every night and last night I got all of the gifts I have wrapped and ready to be delivered.

For the next two weeks? Life is so good.

I've Never Felt So Ready

I went to my first graduate class yesterday solely to pick up my remaining materials and get my final grade. What did I get you're wondering? I got an A-. That's right! I have never felt so much like I earned that grade. I worked for it and it wasn't easy, but seeing that letter on my paper last night made it so. worth. it. I was a little proud of myself.

My second class has been kind of a joke all semester but I still worked hard and never missed and paid attention. Last night we had our final and I was the first one done. I *hate* when that happens but I was so confident in my answers that I marched to the front of the room and handed in my little blue book. I won't get that grade for a week or so, but I'm confident that I won't be disappointed.

For as stressful as this first semester of school has been, feeling ready and knowing that I was able to show what I know successfully on a test was the best feeling I've had in a long time.

In fact? It totally rocks.

The Art of Procrastination

I have my one and only final of the semester tonight and in my quest to do EVERYTHING possible EXCEPT study for it over the weekend I ('ve almost) completed my holiday shopping. Go Me.

Also? The sisters and I have decided to throw one huge holiday party when we're all back at my parents house towards the end of December. Go. Us. Red and Green jello-shots are most definitely on the list.

Helloooo D

Hi D.

I know you're there. Welcome to the world of blogging.

You'll get addicted. No doubt.

<3>

My Life Will be Complete

if THIS happens.

The Internet is Making me Crazy

Hellooo all. I keep remembering all of these stories I want to share but I remember them when I am home. And can't access blogger. ( I think it has something to do with safari or something...?). This is really starting to annoy because I sit down each morning and can't remember anything that I was thinking about the night before. Oh well.

I have a final exam in my first graduate course Monday night. Once I finish that I will have (successfully) completed my first semester of grad school. Go Me. Of course, I still have 33 credits and $23,000 to go, but hey, who's counting? Next semester is going to KICK my @$$. I am taking a 1-credit winter course from Jan 4-19 during the "break". Then I am taking 3 graduate courses and two undergraduate online courses that I need to complete my graduate courses. In case math is not your thing- - that's 5 courses. Ugh. At least I can plan right now not to have a life, at all from January to May. I think I can handle it. Of course, I've also volunteered to have regular jazz classes at the center near me. That might be too much, but, I've GOT to get back into teaching. I REALLY miss it.

And to top off my kind of bad week, my sisters and I have been emailing about our Christmas plans/presents and two nights ago we get an email from sister #2 with all of her dates/plans....she writes, "And, just so you know, J [her boyfriend] and I are heading to Puerto Rico for 8 days, so I won't be around then!"

Ack. I don't even have a POOR guy who's interested, let alone a boyfriend who's taking me to Puerto Rico for Christmas. :)

Gaaaahhhhh

What's Murphy's Law again? Anything that CAN go wrong WILL go wrong? Well, I'm living that adage right now. I taught a regular jazz class last night (FINALLY! I miss it SO much) and I'm driving home- - high on life-- when BAM! A car hits me. Really. Nothing huge, just kind of grazed the side of my car but it was an hour waiting for the police, an hour standing in the freezing cold in my sweaty jazz clothes, and a bunch of insurance crap that I wasn't/am not in the mood for.

I think my car will be fine, it looks like the marks will wash off but I can't tell if it's dented or scratched. Blah.

Giving Thanks

It was so nice to be able to head home for a few days. I forget how much I miss it when I'm not there, it made it really difficult to come back to CT on Sunday. Not to mention that we were dealing with my cousin's death.

I can't imagine losing one of my siblings. Ever. I can't imagine my parents losing a child. I'm sure that eventually you pick up all of the pieces and you start to heal but I am not envious of what my aunt, uncle and cousins are going through right now. He lived in Florida so the process took a little longer than normal and I can't imagine that either. Not being able to see him immediately, waiting for him to arrive via plane...

It was a tough weekend for our family. He is the eldest cousin/nephew on my Dad's side of the family and the only boy cousin who would have carried on our family name. It's such a shame.

It made our Thanksgiving weekend that much more precious though. We took the time to enjoy each other and really appreciate everything we have. My sisters and I stayed pretty close to home and spent much of the weekend decorating the house for Christmas, and baking Christmas cookies and peanut butter balls. Who am I kidding? My ONE sister did the baking, the others and I just hung out with her and drank wine. It was still enjoyable though and being away from home makes me appreciate my family *so* much.